Funny thing about Multiple Sclerosis….you can be having a great day, feeling positive, feeling strong, and a memory pops up. Today a memory popped up in my Facebook “memories”. A picture I had proudly taken of a freshly painted room that I painted two years ago. And…..you can’t help but be reminded of what you can no longer do.
I took such pride in my painting. I think I’ve painted every room in my home. I loved to paint. I loved picking out the colors and going to the local paint store where I would always come home with too much Benjamin Moore paint, brushes, drop cloths and so on. I always figured better to have an extra can than have to go back with paint hair. Paint hair was inevitable. Ironically, the last couple of times I painted I had to do it in parts. Normally I would do a room a day.
Similar thing with the lawn. A couple of years ago I just couldn’t cut the grass anymore. It was really a struggle and I didn’t know why. Of course now I know why. We have a “grass guy” now. I never enjoyed cutting the grass anyway to be honest. It was just something that needed to be done. What I would give to be able to do it today. Instead I plant flowers. I want to have flowers everywhere this year.
The medical professionals tell me I have strength. I don’t have endurance. Strength is pushing the lawn mower. Endurance is pushing it for ten, twenty minutes. Strength is being able to ride a bicycle. Endurance is being able to ride up a hill or for miles.
Like last year.
Unfortunately, I’ve come to the conclusion I won’t be able to ride in the bike ms this year which was a goal of mine. Last year I could have done the thirty mile bike ms. Not this year.
Progressive Multiple Sclerosis is just that, a progressive disease varying in rates and degrees of progression.
My hands are slowly losing mobility, somewhat atrophied, and very stiff. Although my legs are not the greatest, I fear losing my hands more than my legs.
Living with ms means finding things I can do, like planting those flowers.
Or, working out.
I hope I don’t have to look back on pictures of myself at the gym the way I looked back at my beautifully painted room today.
If there’s something you always wanted to do, no matter how big or small, do it.
Recently I told someone I’m living life to the fullest. They said, “no you’re not, not yet”. Yes, I’m living life to MY fullest. Everyone’s fullest is different. Living life to the fullest is often made up of small joys, small goals, a sense of accomplishment, and achievements.