Don’t Be Too Busy Being Brave To Be Real

I just finished vacuuming and mopping my floors and while mopping I was thinking to myself how much this disease really sucks.  My legs feel like sticks barely holding me up. 

You only get so much energy to use on any given day and I used mine walking my dogs today. 

It was worth it.

You’re supposed to ration your energy when you have Multiple Sclerosis.  Ration my energy, imagine!  I don’t want to ration my energy.  I don’t want to do anything FOR or BECAUSE of this disease.

Why am I telling you this?
Simply because I’ve been too busy trying to be brave and not always being real.

We can be both.

I wish other people would tell me I’m not the only one.  From my experience, thoughts aren’t commonly made public with progressive ms. Then again, progressive ms isn’t that common.

Taking a shower when you have ms is a big deal.  I’m not embarrassed to say I (a neurotic clean freak) hadn’t showered since Friday.  I used my energy for other things including getting my hair done on Friday. While I look forward to it, just getting my hair done is exhausting. That was worth it too, although driving home I got lost because by then my ms damaged and fatigued brain was done. I used my energy and my brain shut down. Mind you, I know the area very well. This is what happens when ms fatigue sets in. It’s not just physical.

Invisible illness.
Although some days it’s very visable.

And make up, forgetaboutit. Too much energy that can be used for something else.

Speaking of showering…some of the thoughts that go through my mind when I’m showering:

God please, I don’t want to live like this. It’s just going to get worse.

No God, I don’t want to die.  I just want to die before I become a vegetable. 

I wish there were a cure.   We need a cure.  These medications really suck too.  Why isn’t there a cure yet?


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